An Overview of a Quaker Wedding [Updated Guide]" width="267" height="200" />An Overview of a Quaker Wedding [Updated Guide]" width="267" height="200" />
I didn’t expect to be changed by getting married because I couldn’t tell the night would be different, but being in the room in front of my whole community and our whole community and being so deeply seen in our connection and affirmed in our connection is incredible and I think it did something to relax our relationship and it’s different for me coming out of it in a way that I don’t think we would have been if we hadn’t had a Quaker ceremony so wh Quakers believe that no one can marry a couple except the two of them and God that it would be untrue to have an officiant say I’m pronouncing you married you know the only person who can say you’re married is you and your partner and God and the space that you leave for God in your relationship so rather than a pastor or minister being the person who marries the couple or it is the people getting married themselves who are doing so and they’re doing so You may wonder what you should wear to a quicker wedding. My grandfather asked me this question about two months before our wedding, and I told him grandpa there’s going to be everything there, from people in nice jeans to three-piece suits; there won’t be any cut-offs, and there won’t be any tuxedos, and that pretty much describes every wedding I’ve been to; some weddings will definitely be formal; when I got married, I wore a long white gown, and my husband wore a suit.
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I got invited to a Quaker wedding once while I was on a day trip. I walked into a meeting building because I needed the bathroom and they invited me to a worship service. The only way I can describe it was peacefully beautiful. There was a real sense of peace in the room, it amazed me how welcoming and warm they were
Patricia Owens says:Oh that was really beautiful to see. I was married at a Mass in 1964… And that was very very beautiful, too. And my husband passed away 9 years ago this August, but we were married for 48 years with five children, and I have four grandchildren, I will be 78 this year. It was very refreshing and beautiful to see how things are done and the Quaker weddings. I ask God to bless and inspire all these marriages that they LAST and that their children and grandchildren have great Joy in the relationship that they started so sweetly and sincerely. I never knew that that’s how people got married in a Quaker Wedding, and it was really refreshing and beautiful, and so sincere in our Lord.🙏👑🕊️🌹 It also gave me great peace to see that things can be done differently, and still all the love and the blessings are THERE ❣️. THANKS very much for this different point of view on a wedding, which was really an eye opener for me, but it gave me tremendous peace in witnessing the love these people have and their absolute genuine commitment to each other. I just know that they’ll have a long and beautiful marriage BECAUSE of the sincerity of the SPIRITUALITY in each other, and with each other In our Lord Jesus.. Their children and grandchildren will be VERY happy because of the absolute SPIRITUAL sincerity that FLOWS in the relationships. God bless and love everybody, and stay CLOSE to the Lord IN all things…in Everything we think, say, or do, let it REFLECT that we have CHOSEN our Lord Jesus, and we will be FAITHFUL to Him ALL our lives, as He IS the source of our joy and our hope and our blessings. AMEN 🙏👑🌹🕊️🤗💕
monica.abdullaev says:I’m not sure why YouTube suggested this article but I’m glad it did! Not sure what I loved more, the article (which was interesting and sounded so lovely) or the comments! I’m a Catholic and had the traditional (Filipino) Catholic wedding and as I watched this article, I felt like “gee, I wish our weddings were this poignant and so beautiful”. For those Catholics who commented, thank you for re-educating me about what my faith background teaches so I don’t feel sad or jealous but to still appreciate my traditions just as much as the traditions laid out in this informative article. But, someday if hubby and I do a vow renewal ceremony, I’d love to follow the Quaker format! So serene and beautiful. Simple and lovely!
Michael Roark says:I grew up near Swarthmore so the Society of Friends was a presence in our consciousness even though our family was firmly rooted on both sides in the Catholic Church. I recall from my early childhood an aunt pointing out a woman on the street in Swarthmore who was said to be the last who used the classic plain dress, though my mother explained that the Friends generally dress simply and modestly. In Catholic school the Sisters explained clearly that it is the couple who minister Matrimony to each other. In fact there is a provision in canon law that in remote locations if no priest or deacon is expected for three months the couple can profess their vows in the presence of at least two witnesses and that will be that. I am a Catholic priest and I’ve always been sure to explain to any couple I’m preparing the sacred character of what they will be doing at the wedding. In our ritual there is no giving-away of the bride nor do I pronounce them man and wife. By the way I’m the family genealogist and discovered that my 9th great-grandfather Hans Landis was the last Anabaptist martyr in Zurich. My great-grandfather married a descendant, and his son, who had no detectable religion in my childhood experience of him, married a wonderful Irish-American Catholic lady who made darn sure that the progeny were Catholic. I’ve always had a fellow feeling for those of the Amish/Mennonite/Brethren tradition, maybe it’s in the genes.
Helen Richards says:We don’t value mainstream weddings for us or our girls but this sounds just wonderful…Our wedding in early 70s was in my mums garden and I had asked the pastor to make it short and we asked neighbors and friends to pop in if they wanted. They did and we had fun. Our vows were and are heart felt…I wish I knew your beliefs earlier… I love how you express your Christianity.
Deborah Reynolds says:This article recently popped up on my YouTube feed and is the first of many I’ve watched. Thank you so much for your work. I have sat alone in silence first thing every morning for most of my adult life; it is a sacred time and is the most important part of my day. I had no idea that there are churches (meeting houses) that actually do that together. It is wonderful that your services are unplanned meetings where you sit in silence together and share with each other as divinely prompted (at least in the liberal branch of the Quakers). I would love to be a part of that. There must be very strong connections in your meeting houses because of this. I also love a lot of the other articles I’ve seen, particularly the one about SPICES. What I have seen so far strongly resonates with me. Thank you so much for your website.
Gay Michaelis says:Hi. Thank you very much for this article. I knew somewhat what to expect, because I had been to a Quaker funeral service years ago in Pennsylvania, outside of Philadelphia a ways. I grew up in Gladwyne, Pennsylvania. I was raised in the Episcopal church, and had godparents, Rollie and Edie Ellis, who were Quakers. Well, my uncle Rollie passed away, so I went with my parents to his funeral at a Friends Meeting house. And the same as with the wedding, there is no minister or preacher or some other person upfront conducting a service. Only a brother I think it was got up and then explained how a Quaker funeral is supposed to go. He told the people there that if anyone so felt moved to do so, they could get up and say a few words or more about Rolland Ellis. Well, I remember sitting in quite a lot of silence, with no one getting up to speak for a long time. I remember my father getting up & saying some words about uncle Rollie. It was very nice! It was very different I have to say! But it was very nice. Yes, you couldn’t sit there and help but think about the person who had passed on, in this case my godfather.
It's a Carol B thing says:The more I read and see of the Quaker Faith, the more I am drawn to it. The statement of ‘no one can say you’re married but you, your partner and God ‘. I have always known i didn’t want to be conventionally married. After my dad died when i was 23, someone asked me who i would have to give me away now. My answer was ‘no one’. I would have done it for my dad, to honour him, but after that, I’m not chattel to be given away. I’m also bisexual, so that would have been an issue in church. I don’t believe in the hyperbole of the bible or of Christ being the son of God. I believe God lives within each of us. We can have a conversation with God wherever we’re standing, we don’t need to wait till Sunday. Now, if only i could find the right person!!
Jodi Hafner says:I myself couldn’t sit in silence that long, the white noise would drive me insane and or I’m sure my stomach would make “that noise” and I’m almost certain I’d get a case of the coughs or giggles (from a strange noise). All power to u ALL!! To each there own, and whoever or whatever keeps one sane before death and on the straight and narrow. AMEN😉
Keith Lightminder says:So nice to see this on our tenth anniversary! I pass our wedding certificate full of all those signatures every night when I go upstairs. Jon, could you do a follow up on the clearness for marriage committee process! I also recommend that folks rematch this and keep an eye on the listening partners🌚
@RM-ti8nf says:I’m just someone who is interested in Quakerism. The things that are done at a wedding sound good, but it really sounded like the people talking, thought that the Quakers weddings were superior than other ones, which kinda made me sad as I guess I had it in my mind that Quakers were more inclusive towards humanity than that.
@valeriepagendarm6376 says:I once saw a documentary about the Quakers on PBS. It said that men and women lived separately in the community houses and that celibacy was the rule. It said that this way of life would eventually disappear unless new members asked to join. There were interviews with the elderly remnant of a large group and a lot of interesting history was included. This article is wonderful. It’s a reminder that Faith is a living thing . It grows and is nourished by God’s Love.
Liz Humble says:This was beautiful, but not true for all Quakers. We are part of a pastoral meeting and the pastor does officiate the service. I think the unstructured meetings near us that have no pastor or only lay pastors will have no officiant. Edited to say, I am sure if a member requested a non officiant ceremony in our meeting it would be accepted, it is just not what most people request.
Dianochka says:The assertion that a Quaker marriage is different in that the couple marry each other, as opposed to an officiating ‘marrying them’ is actually incorrect in that this is exactly the same principle that underlies marriage in other Christian churches. The priest is there to witness the marriage on behalf of the church but it is the couple who marry each other in the sight of a God.
M* * says:This was interesting…but, I much prefer the traditional weddings I’ve been to where there’s song, vocal prayers, and the official blessing or marrying the couple also gives a talk! I think this anyone can say anything every week,but no official talking by a leader would be boring after a while. Also, Quaker people seem like good people, but they are pacifist.. means like Jehovah witness they will never fight for their country, they’ll take the benefits of the country, but if it or you ever need protection or defending they won’t do it. I understand not being pro war, but I’m glad we’re no longer under British rule, that Hitler was defeated, etc.
Laurel Sternberg says:She did not expect to be changed by marriage. Hasn’t she heard about marriage being God’s crucible for dying to self? I love the simplicity and lack of vain showiness, and that all the witnesses sign the marriage document. I still think it’s nice for the parents, who have supported and protected their daughter’s purity, to escort her in and ‘give’ her to her husband.
